God Is My Strength & My Song

I was raised by a single mother and attended a Baptist church—so I knew all the “Sunday School” answers. One summer in Vacation Bible School, at age 10, I felt the pull at my heart and knew the Holy Spirit was working on me. By that point I had been physically assaulted and was in a lot of pain wondering how God could let that happen.

I spoke with my teacher, and she led me in the sinner’s prayer. I accepted Christ in my heart and felt a peace that I had not known—and understood that it wasn’t God who had hurt me; it was a man.

Satan uses vile works to try and turn us from God’s grace. I lived my school years still in church, four to five days a week and was blessed with the wonderful godly men and women as my church family. Later, when I was again physically abused, it was through prayers and the love of these essential people in my life that saved me from turning to drugs. My father’s untimely death by suicide, just four days before I was 17, did send me over the edge, and I almost allowed my eating disorder to take my life. I had given up—but God had not given up on me, even while I sinned and raged against him for taking my dad.

I was at a doctor’s office, looking through a secular magazine, when I happened to come across the poem “Footprints.” It reminded me of another poem and song from Psalm 118:14, “The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.” I literally felt the anger leave and the peace fill those spaces. I started singing quietly, reverently, “Our God is an Awesome God.”

Having previously felt alone and that God had turned his back on me, I came to the realization that was not the case. In fact, though I had wrapped myself in pain, it was actually God who had carried me through these years of agony, leaving me sane and whole. I knew I was saved from all those years ago when I accepted Jesus into my heart—but I sat and silently prayed repenting of my sins.

I returned to church and felt the peace God surround me with love.

Now I thank God for the trials of my past because they gave me strength—as well as the realization that my testimony will help others. God gave me courage and now, when a hardship appears in my life, I pray for his strength. I know that no matter what comes, He will strengthen me and hold me strong. I am writing a book to tell others my story to speak out and help victims know they are not alone. He paid the price and our God is truly and awesome God.

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